My Lists

My Lists

My two Drinking lists: I add to these lists as I think of things, no particular order of importance. 

If anyone can think of other reasons please comment.  The more I can add to the first category, the better.  It's my go-to list if I ever go-to pick up that glass.  I will have to answer to each one of these reasons first!!

Scorecard

Why I don't want to drink: 27
Why I do want to drink: 7

Why I don't want to drink:

(Update:  I'm crossing off the things that I have overcome, that aren't happening anymore.  Awareness and some abstinence helped that.  The rest are still goals I intend to master at some point likely by reducing through choice and not control or quitting altogether!)

1) My son has seen me acting “off”.   I never want him to see me like that again.  I’m hoping he won’t remember the handful, but still a handful, of times where he said “Mom, do you remember what you said last night?”  Yikes.
      2) I’m a female getting fat.
      3) I don’t have energy to workout.  I hate exercise.  Add alcohol and any inclination to exercise is gone.
      4) I hate the self-loathing, repetitive record that I hear, over and over in my head, around 2am after I drink too much wine that evening before.
      5) I hate not sleeping soundly through the night.
      6) I spend too much money on this habit.
      7) I know it’s not healthy.  I agree with everything in Jason Vale’s book.
      8) I’m tired of letting myself down, saying I can moderate, and then not being able to do so.  I can’t seem to ever stop at one glass, even if I don’t actually get drunk, but still, it always leads to two.  Or while it doesn’t at first, it eventually does.  (Crossed this out because I am giving up on tight moderation.  Either I drink, still too much, and don't get drunk or I don't drink. No in between.)
      9) I want to have more energy to focus on new things.  I need to “find” myself this year and I am looking forward to that!
      10)  I want to stop thinking about alcohol, it has become such a forerunner in my thoughts…..every morning I wake up wanting to quit, every evening I don’t care anymore.
      11) I hate that I feel I “need” it to relax.  I need to redefine “relaxing”.
12) I'm tired of having embarrassing bruises to explain when landing on my shoe in the closet trying to get my jammies on at night.
13) I don't want to act like a witch toward my husband, saying things I shouldn't and then not even remembering saying them.  (This turning thing is never predictable...most of the time I'm sweet and even get more fun and adventurous...but when I don't, it's not pretty and not fair to such a really wonderful man!)
14) I'm tired of my lack of emotional control when I drink.
15) I'm fed up with waking up and feeling draggy getting the morning school routine kicked off.
16) I'm tired of seeing my swollen and puffy face staring at me in the mirror in the morning
17) I'm scared that something will happen to a family member and I won't be in a good position to assist, drive somewhere, deal with medical personnel, etc. (This is still a concern even after having 2 or 3 glasses!)
18) When I drink, I don't remember to run the dishwasher, fold the laundry etc and I make more work for me in the long run by forgetting what should be done.
19) I don't eat well.  I go for junk food, high carbs, fats instead of fruits/vegetables and basic protein when I drink.  I am too lazy/tired to cook.
20) I don't spend as much time communicating and relating to my son.  He does his thing and I do mine when I am drinking.  I want to be more present and "in the moment".
21) I don't groom myself as well.  Manicuring falls aside.
22) I don't get as much reading in.
23) Because I don't want to start over after logging AF days!
24) I want to be here to meet my grandchildren someday!
25) I want my libido to even out.  I don't want to need wine to be fun and uninhibited.
26) I don't want to be competitive about wine, always trying to make sure I get my share.
27) I don't want to be drinking alone.

Why I want to drink:

1) It makes me feel good and I crave it (sometimes).....or so I think
2) It makes my mind shut down and I relax.  I think more dreamy thoughts rather than focus on issues at hand.  (I have learned how to relax and communicate without it.)
3) Everyone else is doing it   (I'm okay not drinking in front of others most of the time)
4) It slides down my throat after the second glass  (Now it gives me heartburn.)
5) Because it will stop the voices in my head saying that I just need some wine   (These voices are pretty done now.)
6) It is part of human social interaction, to deny myself responsible use is to become socially handicapped or different. (This is still an issue for me)
7) Alcohol lifts inhibitions and makes love making more fun.    (Worked through that one :-))

(I ripped the last few on each list from others' blogs but thought they were worthy of being on my lists too!)

7 comments:

  1. Thanks! I read this over and over all the time...wasn't sure anyone else ever navigated to it, lol!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great lists ! I say YES to all of that ! Lily x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Rereading my lists frequently has helped when I forget I have a problem!

      Delete
  3. Yes and yes!!

    Continued success to you...and isnt it great to be able to 'edit' the list as we see progress just inevitably happen?? Stopping drinking IS a big hurdle. And difficult, no question. But what's amazing is how everything 'simplifies' and gets better after that.

    ReplyDelete